Northern Lights in night sky ‘actually caused by new ring-road’
Huddersfield pensioner Arthur Davies lost no time in contacting local reporters when a mysterious orange glow appeared in the sky behind his house. ‘I’d never seen t’like of it before,’ said Davies,...
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Ice-fall woman, 90, accused of diving by off-duty referee
The Football Association has refused pensioner Edith Perkins the right of appeal against a straight red card shown to her by off-duty football referee Ron Withenshaw yesterday. The incident occurred...
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Gangs of pensioners conspire to bring country to halt with lunchtime queuing
An undercover police operation has revealed that a Mafia-like organisation is behind the huge number of retired people queuing in banks and post offices during lunchtimes. Pensioners across the country...
View ArticlePensioner not badly shaken after being shaken badly
An elderly local man was left traumatized yesterday after being inexpertly assaulted by a youth who proceeded to give his full name and address. Robert Brennan, 82, was taking a walk to visit his...
View ArticleWorried Brexiter begins stockpiling the Daily Express
Fears are mounting that escalating No Deal Brexit preparations may leave the UK exposed to shortages of vitriol, xenophobia and mendacity. Leavers are therefore stockpiling tabloids in order to be...
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